tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2120319654156937472024-03-07T22:26:59.612-08:00A Room of Her OwnA woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction [and non fiction]. -- Virginia Woolf.
I don't have a whole lot of money, but this will serve as my room. A space for uncensored writing, a space to discover my voice.raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-13972418890485878462018-06-21T03:54:00.002-07:002018-06-21T03:54:39.109-07:00Canvas<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">I want to show you love </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Finger paint on your soul</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">The colors I feel when I’m with you</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">The ones I feel without you</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Loss</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Grief</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Need</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Release</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Stroke by stroke </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Reeling</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Burning</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">My beautiful rhythm</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Words on my tongue</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">My night </span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">My music</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">My constellation</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">Encapsulating every inch of you</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">With the reflection of the beauty you emit</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">I want to finger paint upon your soul</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">The colors I feel,</span></div>
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 11px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;">My love</span></div>
<div>
<span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-65379626050297557412017-06-01T00:00:00.002-07:002017-06-01T01:05:44.748-07:00Carapace<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Content with discontentment,</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Knowing I will never taste your ripening lips </b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Or fill my lungs with your oxygen.</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Just waiting on sidelines.</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Content with discontentment </b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>I know every inch of you.</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Your chest having never grazed my cheek,</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>But my fingers have tattooed their imprint on your skin </b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>A thousand times in my mind.</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Discontent,</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Knowing this gnawing at my soul will never be requited.</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Content, </b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Believing your soul will stretch its arms to find another.</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: helvetica; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>Discontent,</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><b>Knowing it will never be mine.</b></span>raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-3876625858654408282016-11-09T14:30:00.006-08:002016-11-09T14:37:23.387-08:00A Whole New World<div style="text-align: justify;">
After a bit of crying over the possible fates of my LGBTQ, black, Latino, Muslim, and disabled brothers and sisters, I prayed harder than I have in awhile. That a "love bomb" would drop on our new president and he would be so filled with love for the citizens of this country that he would see the extreme and immense value of everyone in this nation. That his heart would be changed toward the positive regarding civil rights, justice, the broken-hearted, the disenfranchised, and the voiceless. <br /><br /><br /> I then decided to resolve to love my neighbor better, to stand up for those whose rights may hang in the balance, to show kindness to a stranger, the treat our planet as a gift and not a wastebasket. <br /><br /><br /> Sunday, I will go to my incredibly inclusive evangelical church lead by my gay pastor and find some peace. Because in the end, love is greater than any fear or hate the world can dish out! Therefore collectively we people, bound by and in love, are greater than this one moment in history.</div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-33669266187432280862015-11-21T00:55:00.001-08:002015-11-21T01:00:11.744-08:00A Night Visitor<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Oh, yes! I hear you tapping at my window</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Beckoning me closer </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">A cool breath of impulsivity on my cheek</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>Tonight’s a nice night for a flight </i>you purr.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>Open the window. Dance in the stardust, my angel.</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">But we both know</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">You have all the subtlety of a Sylvia Plath novel. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And this will end like all your other attempts—</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Silenced by the dagger of my pen against your throat</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Branding my defiance into the pages of your jugular: </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><i>Dum vita est spes est!</i></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">So, come another night if you must</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Entice me with belladonna’s perfume.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Enchant me with a melancholic dissonance. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">But all these gimmicks are simply </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Sequins in a tawdry floor show.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">They do not stupefy or overpower me. </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">You are missing the true magic:</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">A heart that pounds</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Lungs that rise and fall in an orchestrated rhythm </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Ears that delight in children’s laughter</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">A nose that awaits freshly baked cookies.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">You are outdone. You are outnumbered,</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">In this body, life abounds.</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And where there is life, </span></div>
There is so much hope!raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-21690594238595933162015-10-30T01:51:00.002-07:002015-10-30T02:02:57.446-07:00Vita<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Oh my vita</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">To dine upon your skin</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Tasting every honey dew dropped morsel of sweat </span><br />
<span class="s1">That forges on your chest</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Let me love you in Orlando</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Taking flight through crisp waters</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And broken waves</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Making love upon bright beaches.</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Ours was a gray kind of love</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Seeping it's way past social morale or religious doctrine</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Into the sand that wedged it's way between toes of ambiguity</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">With every biting crest</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">You relinquish sighs of guilt </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Into my lungs</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">And let me sustain you</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">With breaths of approbation</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">This sacred dance</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Of flesh and spirit becoming one</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Consecration </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Intertwined notes shaping our immortal symphony</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We are music</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We are the words carving Shakespeare’s sonnets</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">We are the the culmination of all that is pure and whole and holy</span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"></span><br /></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Let me be the voice to your quavering song </span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Let me be the wine upon your barren lips</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Taste me</span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Consume me</span></div>
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">Shatter me.</span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-9367203436563948002015-07-03T21:54:00.000-07:002015-07-04T07:56:01.860-07:00The Bitch is Back<br />
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 28px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">
The bitch is back. Yes, that's right--my nemesis. She must have seen the bumper sticker, "ya'll can go to hell, I'm goin' to Texas," and decided it would be a nice vacation spot-- heat and all. I thought I may have heard her calling my name in the distant rumbling of thunder last week, but convinced myself it was simple paranoia. For a moment, I caught a glimpse of her insignia, like Zoro, burned out in the grass near my apartment. But, I turned my head for a second glance...and poof! It was gone. So, I thought nothing of it. Even, last week, when my husband's brakes went out, my dog was covered in infectious spots, and my son had an asthma attack all on the same day-- I just chalked it up to a rough one. I mean, everyone has those, right? However, when I walked into my new apartment this week, only to find the laundry room leaking water from a broken pipe, walls infested with mold and a bipolar air conditioning unit that couldn't decide between hot or cold air, I began to see her fingerprints everywhere. Now I am certain she has come back like Lex Luthor on the heels of Superman, intent on nothing but my total destruction. But I'm sorry. This week I'm not in the mood to play. This week, she has met her match. So wherever you are, Murphy Law, I hope you're ready. You're vacation's getting cut short. 'Cause, girl, I'm sending you straight back to hell!</div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-33137350366302969742015-04-02T11:26:00.001-07:002015-04-02T11:46:21.762-07:00Beauty From Injury<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;">
I awoke in a dizzied blur, aware of nothing but searing pain and a tube lodged awkwardly down my throat. Unable to speak, tears burned my cheeks, as I played a sadistic game of charades with the nurse keeping guard over me. “What do you want, honey?” Her voice was saccharine. I gestured toward the tube. She replied, “I’m sorry, but I can’t take it out. It’s helping you breathe.” My eyes released a flood. At that moment, I didn’t give a rip about breathing; I only wanted the pain to stop…anyway possible. </div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;">
Life coaches will remind their clients, to “stay present”. I truthfully had never really thought about or experienced that level of consciousness, until this point in time. I was definitely fully present, in this moment; and believe me, there was nothing I wouldn’t give to be a million miles away from here, soaking in the euphoric drip of morphine. Instead, the recently stitched up tear in my esophagus was made irate by a ribbed piece of plastic parked haphazardly on the fresh wound.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;">
Only a week earlier, my orthopedic surgeon had made an egregious mistake while performing a double-level cervical fusion on my spine. At some point during the surgery, his scalpel slipped, tearing a large hole in my esophagus. This wasn’t realized until a week later, when I appeared miserably in the ER, with green, gravy-like pus oozing from my suture site.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;">
I was filled with infection and a gaping hole in my throat when they rushed me into surgery to try their hardest to remedy the mistake. This traumatic event turned into a six month process of hard-core antibiotics, being fed through a tube in my chest, restless nights terrorized by nightmares of dying, and at last…recovery.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px; min-height: 13px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px;">
I’m not so sure, whether staying present was a positive in this case. In moments where I focused on my present circumstances, fear eroded my mind. Yet, when I was able to step outside of that pain and focus on a future where this one traumatic event was given a positive purpose, then I began to thrive.</div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px; min-height: 13px;">
<br />
I know everyone has trauma in his or her life. But perhaps it is in that pain, our stories can be shared, honestly, without playing emotional-charades. In this place of vulnerability, we feel understood, and genuine human connection can occur. This is where beauty and true art emerge.</div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-80641080855713706872015-02-11T13:49:00.000-08:002015-02-11T14:07:01.709-08:00Comfortably Numb (a work in progress)I remember the day clearly.<br />
<br />
My hands fell flat against the cold, opaque pane of glass. Drops of condensation wept beneath them -- an action I couldn't bring myself to do. Perhaps, my hands spared me the duty. In the kitchen, pastries, lemonade, and a cake made themselves awkward guests on our kitchen counter-- an eery way of feigning happiness. They stood out, almost a joke, amidst the swatches of dark fabric filling the room-- except for my mother of course.<br />
<br />
She, drew everyone's eye in her vibrant, red, A-line dress. Her breasts struggled to stay inside the black, lace boundary that contained them. It was my father's favorite dress, undoubtably for this very reason. <i>Mamacita</i>, I remember him whispering into her ear as he would slowly kiss the back of her neck, running his hands down the lines of her body, enveloping her waist like a glove. <i>Ooh, gross</i>! I would turn my head, pretending to be embarrassed by the affection. But secretly I loved it, and would give anything in the world to see that sight at this moment--to simply put an end to all of this.<br />
<br />
My mother informed the guests to follow suit with her color choice. <i>Dress in color, celebrating his life. It's what he would have wanted, </i>she smiled through the tears of every phone call she made<i>. </i>After about the fifth call, I ran upstairs and pulled the covers over my head, knowing at any moment my father would walk through that door and all this nonsense would be over. Only a couple of people complied with my mother's wishes of vibrancy. Most, however, fell in line with old Catholic tradition. This, however, didn't seem to sway my mother. She kept to her script.<br />
<br />
She was comfortable with scripts. Every evening before tucking me in she would tell me a story of a beautiful female angel who fell in love with a mortal male. The day came when it was her beloved's time to die. She cried out for God to save him, refusing her heavenly duty of escorting him to the other side. God answered her prayer, but at a heavy price. She was cast from heaven and made human, never more to use her gifts of the heavenly realm. However for her, it was worth the sacrifice--the promise of growing old wrapped in her beloved's arms, exploring the Earth hand in hand.<br />
<br />
The night my mother told me the news of the explosion, I had a dream she was that angel -- sacrificing herself for my father.<br />
<br />
She had ended each of our nightly sessions with a lullaby she had crafted only for me. <i>Now this is our secret song, </i>she warned me with a lovely warmth to her voice. <i>Don't sing it to anyone else. Not even daddy. </i>I curled my pinky around hers and she kissed it gently, sealing the promise.<br />
<br />
Today I broke that promise. Like a dog waiting for its owner's return, I pressed my face against the window by the front door, whispering the lyrics she taught me under my breath. I pictured myself curled up beside my father, singing him our lullaby- hoping he might hear them and find his way home: <i>My little angel, sent from above. Whenever you need me, you'll find a heart filled with love, </i>I breathed into the glass by the front window, leaving a circular pattern that faded as quickly as it came.<br />
<br />
to be continued...<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br />
</span> <br />
<br />
<i><br />
</i> <i><br />
</i> raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-40409021630003050532014-12-29T12:23:00.001-08:002014-12-29T22:47:19.692-08:00I loved you yesterday<br />
I loved you yesterday<br />
<br />
<br />
But somewhere between polished fingernails<br />
<br />
Laced with painted cherry blossoms and<br />
<br />
Scabbed feet watermarked by Monet's Water Lilies,<br />
<br />
My heart ceased to beat--<br />
<br />
A heart that once rushed to life<br />
<br />
With each golden sunset reflected in your eyes<br />
<br />
And every moss stained rock leading to high places.<br />
<br />
I knowingly set it on that trail<br />
<br />
Awaiting the tread marks of your boots<br />
<br />
Or the stab of the pointed satin slipper.<br />
<br />
Oh God! Something to make it alive!!<br />
<br />
But it only lay there<br />
<br />
Trampled and scarred--<br />
<br />
Too weak to breathe its rose watered oxygen...<br />
<br />
<br />
Until he came<br />
<br />
With Christmas bells and slow dances by firelight<br />
<br />
The smell of pine needles lingering on my skin<br />
<br />
And his rich coffee laden vibrato<br />
<br />
Humming deep within my chest.<br />
<br />
Amid whispers of orange trees and blue skies,<br />
<br />
My heart took its first sips of life<br />
<br />
Reminding me of what I was missing...<br />
<br />
Reminding me of what had been there all along.raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-72802977445805104282014-10-28T02:30:00.000-07:002014-10-28T02:35:09.487-07:00Tread<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Branded skin</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Oil of the moon</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I painted the sky with pieces of you.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Dazzled lips...undressed rubies.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Bones crushed beneath </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">The weight of words unspoken.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Shadowed treads across the heart</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Deep within the swamps of murky kisses </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Entangled in an embrace </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">That left us drowning</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Ripping and clawing </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Our way toward freedom</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">We pushed the other under the mire,</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">To gasp for air.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Was it worth it in the end, </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Oh my darling of sirens?</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">To heed the call </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Of a melody so enchanting?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">In a canvas somewhere</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Lay pieces of us </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">Painted with the oil of the moon.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">The bluest of skies.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12pt;">Branded skin.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-10957629676439606312014-10-16T23:33:00.002-07:002014-10-17T05:27:27.287-07:00Taste<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Guardian of my past and future</span><span class="s2"> </span><span class="s2">–</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">My world has imploded</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">I watch</span><span class="s2"> as</span><span class="s2"> you</span><span class="s2"> </span><span class="s2">bathe languidly</span><span class="s2"> in my destiny</span><span class="s2">.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">If I’</span><span class="s2">m your beloved</span><span class="s2">,</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Caress me with whispers of a secret language</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Only we two share</span><span class="s2">.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Fill me with tender kisses</span><span class="s2">,</span></span><br />
<span class="s2">Till I’</span><span class="s2">m drowning in </span><span class="s2">the grasp</span><span class="s2"> of your love </span><span class="s2">–</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The incandescent beauty of two becoming one.</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Crawl beneath </span><span class="s2">my skin and pour</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The fragrance of your spirit</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Into every ruptured and scarred artery</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Of my soul</span><span class="s2">.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Until I’</span><span class="s2">ve tasted</span><span class="s2"> the very </span><span class="s2">last </span><span class="s2">drop of </span><span class="s2">its fruit</span><span class="s2"></span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">And </span><span class="s3" style="font-style: italic;">know</span><span class="s2">…</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">You are good.</span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-82619652003724535702014-08-13T22:52:00.000-07:002014-08-13T22:52:21.484-07:00Irreplaceable<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If I could take your pain and freeze it in time, </span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">I would journey to the ends of the earth and bury it deep beneath the final ocean wave</span><span class="s2">,</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Where it coul</span><span class="s2">d never again singe your skin or drain</span><span class="s2"> breath from your lungs</span><span class="s2">…</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">S</span><span class="s2">teal </span><span class="s2">sunlight from your eyes</span><span class="s2">.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Your eyes -- I would fill them with diamonds</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">So your joy sparkled in the light of day</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">And </span><span class="s2">when evening came, your</span><span class="s2"> starlight was a beacon for the wayward soul.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">The dark of n</span><span class="s2">ight would no longer be needed for asylum</span><span class="s2"></span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">T</span><span class="s2">he glare of morning</span><span class="s2"> could not</span><span class="s2"> sear your</span><span class="s2"> tender</span><span class="s2"> heart.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">T</span><span class="s2">he truth is, you deserve far more than I could ever give.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Y</span><span class="s2">ou are prized </span><span class="s2">far more </span><span class="s2">t</span><span class="s2">han diamonds, moon</span><span class="s2">light, or </span><span class="s2">daybreak</span><span class="s2">.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">Yo</span><span class="s2">u are the reason oceans roar, lungs gasp, hearts b</span><span class="s2">eat</span><span class="s2">.</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Without you, children would cease to laugh, feet would cease to dance…</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span class="s2" style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The stars would fade from the sky.</span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">You are irreplaceable, my friend</span><span class="s2">…</span></span></div>
<div class="s2">
<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><span class="s2">You are HIS.</span><a href="" name="_GoBack"></a></span></div>
<div>
<span class="s2"><br /></span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-88624871268746546782013-09-11T11:05:00.000-07:002013-09-11T11:20:57.922-07:00Shattered<br />
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Perforated lines,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Like the return portion of a bill.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Fold and rip along the tiny dots --</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">That is my heart, now.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I kissed you on the eyes that day -</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">While they were drawn closed.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It felt like warm sun rays to my air conditioned soul.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I poured out all the love I had left</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">In that one kiss.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Feeling as small as a child, </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Awkwardly overfilling a</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Cup of lemonade.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It still wasn’t enough,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To make you laugh.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To make me change.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To save us from this.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I poured,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You drank.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You drank.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I poured...</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Until my hands began to weaken</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">From the weight of the glass.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And the pitcher </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Fell to the floor...</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Shattered.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">“Watch out!”</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You yelled, </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Hurriedly trying to tidy my mess.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Ignoring your heed, I jumped headlong toward you,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Hanging onto the cuffs of your pants.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Baring my feet to the shards beneath them.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
Bleeding, I felt your arms sweep down to save me.<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
Ready to carry me to safety.<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
A dance, we knew by heart.<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I jump,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You save.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">You save,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I jump...</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But today</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It isn’t enough.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To make me safe.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To make you change.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To deliver us from this. </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Your arms begin to shake </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">From the weight of anchors </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Tied to my soles.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And finally,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I fall. </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To the floor...</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 14.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Shattered. </span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-7704636525179291622013-09-06T12:38:00.000-07:002013-09-06T13:03:08.934-07:00Flatlined<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Flatlined.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">That’s what we are</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">No initiation on either of our parts </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To revive or extinguish</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">To enkindle or deaden</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">No movement</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Up or down</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Toward or away from the other.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Instead,</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We’ve chosen stasis...</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Denial.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Too afraid that if we bend to touch the other's heart</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The uncomfortable shock of </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Chaos will ensue.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Yet, if I'm forced between chaos and this mental torpor with you,</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I must choose chaos.</span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-71370619966231125362013-09-04T11:43:00.002-07:002013-09-04T11:54:41.127-07:00Zero Scaping of the Heart<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">My heartbeat quickened with the noise of curses spinning in my head</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Wanting nothing more than to purge these thoughts and you from my mind.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Instead I stay quiet and quickly feel tears burn my eyes.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Eyes that you once said created the most beautiful color of green </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When stained by those liquid marks of grief.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Is any part of me beautiful to you anymore?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Gutted and bare I lay before you,</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Knowing I am not enough </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And realizing perhaps I never will be.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Accents of empty promises and self delusion decorate our happy home.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As long as the exterior is painted nicely</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">With flower beds and white picket fences,</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Creating the perfect veneer for the debris inside,</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">No one will ever be the wiser, will they?</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Especially not us.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Like monkeys in cages, </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We were so accustomed to the stench and mess</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">That neither one of us could smell or rid our humble abode of this fetor...</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Until now...</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The smell is apparent and abhorrent.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And we both finally acknowledge it.</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Can this be saved?</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Or is there now so much destruction, </span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The only choice left is tearing it to the ground?</span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-58302744448043401602013-08-26T23:47:00.000-07:002013-08-27T21:46:41.538-07:00Flight of the Aspen: A Sequel to "The Aspen"<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">Breathe me in. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">Take me to our secret place, where pain evades us. Where love is paramount.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">The golden shimmer of the aspen call to my soul.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">They comfort me at the height of this place and seem to sing a melody of triumph to one another.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">I reach out and catch a fallen note, holding it close to my chest, pushing it deep inside -- a key, for a time when I will need it most.</span></div>
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</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For a day when I will no longer hear the music</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;">. --The Aspen September, 2011</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Is it time to say goodbye</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When every right turn leads left?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When every dance becomes an unsyncopated nightmare?</span></div>
<div style="font: 12.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When the rhythm has left your feet and the music has left your lungs?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">My hands tremble at the thought of this new journey before me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Not knowing if I’m running or becoming...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Something new.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I want to explore the unchartered territory within my veins.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But how do I know if I’m running toward my next adventure or simply escaping?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">In my cocoon of hibernation I hear a faint but familiar sound outside.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Within moments, I feel my heart quickening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I look down to find a diode of red, radiating from my chest.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">As I reach to examine the foreign emission,</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It unexpectedly bursts into a rainbow of the most brilliant colors, I’d ever witnessed -</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Shades of vibrancy my eyes had never beheld.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>The key! </i>I shriek, remembering a long forgotten promise the mountains had made me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I scratch the surface of my skin to find the light.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">With a gentle tug, attached to a ribbon, emerges a wooden key, about three inches in length and warm to the touch. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">At first glance, it resembles a key that might open the antique door of an historic home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Yet, as I look again, golden leaves begin to sprout from the key’s bow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I know I must move quickly before the key is enshrouded by leaves and bark--</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And my chance for a new beginning is overgrown...misshapen...gone. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>If the time for the key is now, there must be a keyhole somewhere close</i>, I reason. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">At the top of my entrapment, I see a tiny pinhole of light.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>That must be it!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">My fingers and the key make their way toward the only light I can see. I fumble awkwardly, as a child trying to force a square peg into a round hole. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Twigs from the bow are growing longer and time is growing shorter for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It is simply a matter of time before I will be holding a small tree, instead of the key to my freedom.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Praying, I make one last thrust at the hole above me. It slides into something. <i>I think I found it!</i> <i>A perfect fit!</i> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">My heart is pounding and I am sweating profusely as I can only guess what is waiting for me beyond this safely spun prison I had created for myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Taking a deep breath, I turn the latch; without warning, my cocoon breaks into a million pieces, and I am left alone... in the wilderness. The refrain is louder in this space, and with a smile, I finally recall its source... (to be continued)</span><br />
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<br />raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-25455309269909668392013-08-21T21:08:00.000-07:002013-08-21T21:12:53.232-07:00The Real Chronicles of Humpty Dumpty<br />
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The Real Chronicles of Humpty Dumpty --- (a work in progress)</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I’m sure you’ve all heard of Humpty Dumpty, that infamous egg who took a tumble off of a wall no taller than a story high, but the tale has lived on and on through various accounts, often muddled by political activists or a well intended author, looking for an indentifiable character that the reader might be able to relate to, and the true story has never been relayed.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But looking back over such figments of ones imagination, can one person honestly tell me that a story about an egg with human characteristics, makes much sense at all, unless for decades upon decades the readers of this beloved tale were indeed lied to.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I was there the day Humpy Dumpty arrived and I was there on that fateful day when Humpty’s egg was shattered. And, people, I am ready to set an end to all this silly gossip and malingering, and set the story of his malicious behavior straight.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Who am I? I am Gertrude, very proud mother to 15 dodo birds, grand mamma to 7 grand dodos, and great grand mamma to, well let’s just not go there. Very proud indeed I was back then. But I must tell you quite honestly that Humpty is a fraud who ruined my life and the lives of my entire species.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I was there when he first mysteriously arrived on my wall. You see, I was in my second season of a nesting phase busy using whatever piece of paper necessary, including bits of children’s story books, to create a home for my nestlings. When in flies a stork with a very mysterious package. The stork told me this was the last Dumpty on the face of the planet, and asked me kindly to care for him as he hatched.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I had never heard of a Dumpty.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">And as a proud mamma to be, I said... “No, do I look stupid?” I have six dodo’s on the way and there is no possible way I could possibly stand to care for a seventh, even if he was the last of his kind (kind of ironic, now that I think of it). But the stork just left him up on my wall. And I have to admit, after a couple of nights I began to feel sorry for him. Stuck in that oversized egg with no one to give him the love that only a real mother could. So, as I prepared my own nest, I began using leftover bits of tree limbs and paper, hoping that might shelter him from some of the storms and the wild cats who prowled the night hours. There were even times, when I would cover his unhatched shell with my body, hoping the extra warmth might give him the added boost he needed to go ahead and hatch, before my little ones arrived. But the only boost that added warmth seemed to give Humpty was a boost in size; and before long that egg was the size of a human child. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Well, by then, he had become the talk of the town. All the townspeople gathered around to see this larger than life egg. One of the kingsmen came meandering down one day insisting the egg be cracked right then and there, so that a royal sized omelet might be made for the king and queen. I almost wish I had let him, but no my motherly instinct had to take over, and I guarded Humpty with my life.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I could no longer hold out for Humpty to hatch and I finally gave birth to 6 beautiful dodo birds. Meanwhile, Humpty stayed stuck in his egg.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">At this point, I could no longer stand it, and I screamed, “Humpty, if you are going to be a part of this family, you are going to have to come out of your shell and see what the real world looks like.” And not but a moment later, did I hear, one crack then a foot emerged, a second crack then another foot emerged, a third and fourth cracks and arms were right there in front of my eyes. But this instantly became a huge problem for me, for as soon as Humpty’s appendages appeared, he began to move them around like Frankenstein’s monster. He swatted at everything around him as a grown man might swat at bees. And with one sad blow he hit my nest full of baby birds, and down the whole nest went, all of them landing on their heads. Well, I couldn’t fly, and neither could my babies. I tried to claw my way down the wall to rescue them, but my footing slipped each time. Since, Humpty had created this problem, it was time for him to solve it. By this time he was around 6 feet tall, taller than the wall. With his new appendages, he could easily make it down the wall and rescue my children. WIth all I had done to protect him, I thought he owed me that much. He agreed. But there was one problem, he couldn’t possibly see where he was going without eyes. So, I used my beak to peck out holes where I thought his eyes probably were, and a large smile, for mouth. If he wouldn’t come out of his shell, at least now he could see and talk and we could communicate. But as soon as he got a glimpse of the outside world, he froze and let out a bloodcurdling scream. “NO!!! I can’t,” he whined. I tried to reason with him, telling him that he couldn’t possibly hurt himself by falling a distance shorter than he. I begged him, stating that my children were much to young and couldn’t possibly survive down there by themselves. All he needed to do was simply walk down the wall and hand my children back up to me. Or if that was too difficult he could simply take me down the wall with him, and reunite me with my children. But he wouldn’t listen to reason. He covered his ears and began to wail. “What do you need them for, when you have me, the greatest egg in the world?” he exclaimed. For someone so full of fear, he had a big head. I decided if he wouldn’t help me, I would do this on my own. My children’s lives were at stake. So, I climbed down the nearby dodo tree, pecking grooves for beak and claw holds. After hours of climbing, I reached the bottom, only to find my children being carted away in a pen by one of the king’s men...</span></div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-83340587993931442522013-07-16T04:03:00.000-07:002013-10-02T11:16:03.251-07:00The AcheI catch your gaze from across the room.<br />
You smile.<br />
Drawing myself within inches of you,<br />
I look deep into the variation of blues stamped on your iris - <br />
Studying them as if it was the first time we met. I now realize my breathing has become labored,<br />
And my face is flushed. Sitting close enough to feel your warmth makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.<br />
With a solicitous smile, I pray you read my mind and make the next move:<br />
<br />
<i>To feel your hands,<br />
Untempered and unrestrained-<br />
Caressing.<br />
Skin singing, <br />
Brain reeling,<br />
Eyes filled with uncensored hunger.<br />
Your smile buried in my lips.<br />
Like finding a treasure in the sweetness of a honey suckle,<br />
Your tongue doesn’t rest until it’s tasted every inch of my body.<br />
Pulling for flesh,<br />
Teeth branding skin,<br />
A tumultuous storm of two bodies crashing together...</i><br />
<br />
“What?” You give me an odd look, shattering the walls of my unspoken day dream.<br />
I shake my head. “Nothing,“ I say,<br />
Moving myself back and away from what I desperately want in that moment --<br />
Afraid any excuse for lack of desire from you, will knock the wind out of me. <br />
Trying hard to choke back tears, I ask myself,<br />
<br />
<i>At what point in our marriage did things fall flat -- where we became more of best friends than lovers?</i><br />
<br />
I grind my teeth hoping to counteract the emptiness and feelings of rejection now present in the pit of my stomach.<br />
<br />
“Took me going to three stores, but I got your favorite popcorn,” you smile at me, handing me a bowl of freshly popped carmel corn. “You ready to watch that movie?”<br />
<br />
“Yeah,” I sigh, in a robotic tone, seriously disappointed that my plans of romance had been thwarted by yet another movie night. <br />
<br />
And then, I look at you, with patches of white in your hair, and a few more lines on your face than you had when we first met; and, I wonder if there have been occasions or even years where you, too, have ached for me (the woman you first fell for, now corroded by illness)...in silence.<br />
<br />
You put your arm around me and nuzzle closer. Kissing the top of my head, you whisper, “I love you.”<br />
In that moment, I realize there have been a few people with whom I've had extraordinary nights of passion;<br />
But, only one of those persons would ever drive to three different stores in search of my favorite popcorn...or to find the perfect flower for no special occasion, or make me comfort food when I am sick. This kind of person and this kind of love is hard to come by.<br />
<br />
There are compromises in any marriage.<br />
<br />
So tonight, if sitting cozied up next to you, eating the best popcorn, while watching the worst movie, is one of those compromises, I will gladly accept it... and consider myself blessed.<br />
<br />
But, don't think I won't cop a feel.<br />
<br />raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-22374507438060577312013-07-14T23:31:00.004-07:002013-07-15T10:56:03.855-07:00YouThe day He danced over you -<br />
A performance of perfect élan.<br />
Every movement an architected rhythm, <br />
As He wove you into creation.<br />
Illustrious! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
(This was written as a birthday present for a friend, but I hope it may also remind others of how important and special we all are in His sight.)raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-11826048865990036502013-05-31T02:44:00.004-07:002013-08-20T08:50:21.337-07:00HisHis steel blue eyes soaked through my skin, leaving a warmth I’d never known.<br />
His smile, a cage of butterflies unleashed into my stomach.<br />
His voice, a fortress for my uncertainties. <br />
His arms, my strength, my shelter, <br />
draping around my body like a warm quilt in winter.<br />
His large hands, interlocking with mine, making me dainty and beautiful.<br />
His words, a bridge to unexplored terrain and new adventures awaiting me.<br />
His feet, joining mine to dance when the rain came.<br />
His body, a bit worn from our travels and travails, but continuing to move forward…<br />
Side by side.<br />
His heart… it’s the only thing missing.<br />
Long ago, when my heart stopped beating,<br />
He opened my chest, and placed his heart beside mine.<br />
Before long, new life rushed to me.<br />
With my new found vitality, the color quickly began to drain from his cheeks.<br />
This gift was too much! <br />
He was dying.<br />
There was nothing to do, but return his heart to him.<br />
I reached inside, grasping for one strong pulse.<br />
I maneuvered and pulled, but his heart would not budge from my body.<br />
It was attached, as if it were my own.<br />
I reached in for one last tug<br />
And noticed there was not one, but two pulses…<br />
Two heartbeats!<br />
My own heart lay there loose and detached, <br />
as if it were a map, guiding me…<br />
to steel blue eyes, a smile that made my stomach turn, large, gentle hands.<br />
I was no longer my heart’s rightful owner.<br />
I placed it inside him, gently kissing his lips, as air and life returned to him.<br />
My heart now belonged to him.raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-76747712741203459462013-03-29T12:58:00.000-07:002013-03-30T21:39:21.490-07:00Divided<br />
Breathless.<br />
Guts to the ground,<br />
Heart in the sky,<br />
Sun singing,<br />
Earth crumbling...<br />
Nothing to cling to,<br />
But the dichotomy before this <br />
Girlwoman.<br />
Sunday's sermon ringing freshly in her ears<br />
Matched against the allure of dishwater blonde hair...<br />
<i>Push it inside!</i><br />
And golden-green eyes...<br />
<i>Push it deep inside<br />
Your mind!</i><br />
Where good girls guard themselves from temptation<br />
With fire and brimstone wedged between their knees,<br />
As the stench of hormones lingers awkwardly in the air.<br />
<i>Ssshh!! Don’t speak about it!!<br />
The thought itself is sin!</i><br />
A muscular arm tossing a ball,<br />
Short, curly hair to run fingers through,<br />
Full lips and tongues entangled...<br />
She slaps her hand hard to stop the thoughts from overtaking her,<br />
To escape to a place where butterflies no longer roam freely in her stomach<br />
Whenever she thinks of this first childhood crush.<br />
She kneels beside her bed<br />
And dutifully repeats her nightly prayer-<br />
Grasping for something that might release her from the grotesque feeling of being pulled in two.<br />
And with an aching heart she cries, <br />
<i>Dear God, I’ll do anything. Please take away these feelings. Please don’t let me be gay.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
For those children and teenagers who’ve prayed endless prayers and cried an abundance of teardrops… <br />
God loves you, just the way you are! by Tracy Medberry Copyright 2013 <br />
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-32195612197026778952013-03-02T19:07:00.000-08:002013-03-04T13:29:54.314-08:00One Nation Under PharmaFidgety digits twisting a worn-labeled bottle between winter-cracked skin.<br />
<div>
<i>The first meal of the day</i> I usually sang every morning.</div>
<div>
But, today, nothing fills my stomach, as I stare contemplatively at an empty bottle.</div>
<div>
I hate everything for which they stand:<br />
A prisoner among an egregious amalgamation of chemicals.</div>
<div>
One more guinea pig trapped in a spinning hamster wheel of politics,</div>
<div>
Where the rich pigs, fatten their bellies,</div>
<div>
And the poor simply get hooked...</div>
<div>
On the next best gimmick.</div>
<div>
Snake oil, wrapped in pretty, petty, sound bites</div>
<div>
Where emotionally solicitous poppy fields dance across my flat screen.</div>
<div>
The scant trace - a tiny warning of side effects,</div>
<div>
A blur, amidst the promise land awaiting you.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"The hook brings you back," the old Blues Traveler song, teases me into the present,</div>
<div>
Along with nausea and electric shocks invading my skull,</div>
<div>
Reprimanding me for missing last night's dose;</div>
<div>
Only one phone call away to some sense of <i>normalcy</i>. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The concept of normalcy alludes and taunts me in the same breath.<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
Normalcy- where symptoms are hidden behind a Venetian blind </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
That opens to a myriad of side effects -</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
The root of the problem seldom removed, at best, subdued. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div>
Doctors turning tricks for drug companies, </div>
<div>
Naively believing, as did we, in the panacea that was promised-</div>
<div>
That a miracle could be found in one tiny pill..</div>
<div>
Or three...</div>
<div>
Or four...</div>
<div>
Or fourteen.</div>
<div>
If not, and the bag of tricks runs dry,</div>
<div>
"Perhaps it's in your head and you should try the psychiatrist down the street.</div>
<div>
I heard he has a wonder drug that should help</div>
<div>
With that new mental problem I've now added to your chart."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"The hook brings you back." Blues Traveler returns to my brain.</div>
<div>
Perhaps a wise mystic, cautioning me.</div>
<div>
Unbearable pain, nausea, and brain zaps are on the opposite side of that meager argument<br />
Persuading me otherwise;</div>
<div>
And I'm not ready for the hell of "discontinuation syndrome", today.</div>
<div>
I hold the empty bottle in my hand and reach for the phone.</div>
<div>
I assuage the deep feeling of defeat and enslavement with one thought:</div>
<div>
"They must not be that bad for me. My doctor took an oath":<br />
<i> Do no harm</i>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
My personal journey. Not intended for medical advice. Copyright 2013</div>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-2467108591571621802013-02-24T23:12:00.000-08:002013-02-26T15:49:23.186-08:00Ben Affleck - A Winning Film Within the 2012 Films <br />
"Ben Affleck" - the winning FILM (story) within the Oscars this year! The story: Main character fails, he learns. He gets kicked down, he stands up again...a little higher than before. And the moment the main character thinks all hope is lost, he rises above those who told him he was less. And the audience...oh the audience, is on the edge of their seats cheering him on! Because they've all been metaphorically in the same spot.<br />
Inspirational! A must see (and remember) film of the year!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Congrats to Ben Affleck and the rest of the Argo gang! Thank you for a brilliant film and teaching us a valuable lesson tonight! May you have many years of success!raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-10513761895289497902013-01-03T22:36:00.000-08:002013-01-04T18:42:29.194-08:00Consensual<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><i></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><i></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><i>Overcome</i></span><br />
<br />
by so much <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">emotion</span>,<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
my <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">stained </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">glass</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">belly</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> burst</span> into a thousand pieces,</div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>roaring</i></span> through space and time,<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
ripping, </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>tearing</b></span> into your <u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #990000; font-size: large;">flesh</span></u>, </div>
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><i>imprinting</i></span> a piece of me<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Onto,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
In_to, </div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><b>You</b></i></span>.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And, at last, I wonder. . .</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">have</span> I <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">the</span> <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d; font-size: xx-small;"><i><u>right</u></i></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">?</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
Then, groping in the darkest recesses of my soul</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
find the broken finger that carries shame like a diamond ring,<br />
Pointed awkwardly at me.<br />
I hold it with grace, and turn it <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">rightfully</span> away.</div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span></div>
<h2>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span></h2>
raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-212031965415693747.post-70246546627796260662012-12-21T01:42:00.000-08:002012-12-21T07:56:00.449-08:00AbsolutionDrowned in a moonlit canvas,<br />
Our shadows played upon the water.<br />
A reflection,<br />
Unfeeling,<br />
Of what I've now become.<br />
<br />
We held hands with paper dolls and toys soldiers.<br />
Dressed our youth with balloons-<br />
Party hats.<br />
<br />
Living just beyond innocence<br />
Reaching for Godliness.<br />
<br />
I blink.<br />
Are you there?<br />
<br />
Your mouth holds my conviction,<br />
But your venom draws me deeper.<br />
<br />
Please touch me into feeling something.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Found this in a journal I had written from college circa 1996 and decided to add:<br />
Written by Tracy Medberry Copyright 2012raw mammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15917484851429033435noreply@blogger.com0