Saturday, December 31, 2011

A New Year Eulogy

Have you ever considered writing your own eulogy? Not from a place of depression, more from frustration. Tired of the person you have been in the past, the bullshit you were willing to put up with. Wanting so much to change, that you realize the old person within you must die, to start again.

Like the phoenix rising from the ashes, my old self will be gone, and in my place will be Hope, Joy, Strength, Peace, Contentment, Determination, Self-Assuredness, Independence, Beauty, Value...and above all, the knowledge that I possess these things.

Throughout the Bible, it talks about dying to find new life. Perhaps I must do the same to find freedom. In order to break old patterns, I must completely let go of my old self, my former identity.

Does one simply change her name for this to occur? Or should you write a eulogy, saying farewell, for this to take place? Does one throw a mock funeral - where pictures of you chained to your former patterns or things you hated most about yourself burn in effigy?

Or do you simply try to start again, and hope for the best?

And all these questions are rhetorical.

I personally don't know that I have the strength to start again, to break free of my chains... without all the ceremonial symbolism.

I know there is life, and I intend to find it. The clock stikes midnight for a new year. And in order for me to take that new and sacred journey to the sun, I sit near my pyre of cinnamon and myrrh, readying myself to exhale.