Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Ache

I catch your gaze from across the room.
You smile.
Drawing myself within inches of you,
I look deep into the variation of blues stamped on your iris -
Studying them as if it was the first time we met. I now realize my breathing has become labored,
And my face is flushed. Sitting close enough to feel your warmth makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
With a solicitous smile, I pray you read my mind and make the next move:

To feel your hands,
Untempered and unrestrained-
Skin singing,
Brain reeling,
Eyes filled with uncensored hunger.
Your smile buried in my lips.
Like finding a treasure in the sweetness of a honey suckle,
Your tongue doesn’t rest until it’s tasted every inch of my body.
Pulling for flesh,
Teeth branding skin,
A tumultuous storm of two bodies crashing together...

“What?” You give me an odd look, shattering the walls of my unspoken day dream.
I shake my head. “Nothing,“ I say,
Moving myself back and away from what I desperately want in that moment --
Afraid any excuse for lack of desire from you, will knock the wind out of me.
Trying hard to choke back tears, I ask myself,

At what point in our marriage did things fall flat -- where we became more of best friends than lovers?

I grind my teeth hoping to counteract the emptiness and feelings of rejection now present in the pit of my stomach.

“Took me going to three stores, but I got your favorite popcorn,” you smile at me, handing me a bowl of freshly popped carmel corn. “You ready to watch that movie?”

“Yeah,” I sigh, in a robotic tone, seriously disappointed that my plans of romance had been thwarted by yet another movie night.

And then, I look at you, with patches of white in your hair, and a few more lines on your face than you had when we first met; and, I wonder if there have been occasions or even years where you, too, have ached for me (the woman you first fell for, now corroded by illness)...in silence.

You put your arm around me and nuzzle closer. Kissing the top of my head, you whisper, “I love you.”
In that moment, I realize there have been a few people with whom I've had extraordinary nights of passion;
But, only one of those persons would ever drive to three different stores in search of my favorite popcorn...or to find the perfect flower for no special occasion, or make me comfort food when I am sick. This kind of person and this kind of love is hard to come by.

There are compromises in any marriage.

So tonight, if sitting cozied up next to you, eating the best popcorn, while watching the worst movie, is one of those compromises, I will gladly accept it... and consider myself blessed.

But, don't think I won't cop a feel.

Sunday, July 14, 2013


The day He danced over you -
A performance of perfect élan.
Every movement an architected rhythm,
As He wove you into creation.

(This was written as a birthday present for a friend, but I hope it may also remind others of how important and special we all are in His sight.)