Divided

Breathless.
Guts to the ground,
Heart in the sky,
Sun singing,
Earth crumbling...
Nothing to cling to,
But the dichotomy before this
Girlwoman.
Sunday's sermon ringing freshly in her ears
Matched against the allure of dishwater blonde hair...
Push it inside!
And golden-green eyes...
Push it deep inside
Your mind!
Where good girls guard themselves from temptation
With fire and brimstone wedged between their knees,
As the stench of hormones lingers awkwardly in the air.
Ssshh!! Don’t speak about it!!
The thought itself is sin!
A muscular arm tossing a ball,
Short, curly hair to run fingers through,
Full lips and tongues entangled...
She slaps her hand hard to stop the thoughts from overtaking her,
To escape to a place where butterflies no longer roam freely in her stomach
Whenever she thinks of this first childhood crush.
She kneels beside her bed
And dutifully repeats her nightly prayer-
Grasping for something that might release her from the grotesque feeling of being pulled in two.
And with an aching heart she cries,
Dear God, I’ll do anything. Please take away these feelings. Please don’t let me be gay.




For those children and teenagers who’ve prayed endless prayers and cried an abundance of teardrops…
God loves you, just the way you are! by Tracy Medberry Copyright 2013